Copyright © 1997 All Rights Reserved
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This "fine print" part of my disclaimer is for the fun of it and shouldn't be taken too seriously. This website does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of either my ISP, my company, my friends, my wife, my children, or my dog; but don't quote me on that; copyright and all rights reserved; you may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it (no matter how hard you try!); terms are subject to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail and are closer than you think; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental except for Jesus and Kurt; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this website is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; website is provided "as is" without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; this is an equal opportunity website; no shoes, no shirt, no service; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental discretion advised, keep away from sunlight; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this article could be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard is abstinence, no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a physician; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; allow four to six weeks for delivery; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of Nature, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply. - Whew! What a mouthful!!